Back In

Well. Hello again.

 When I was 14, lost in Soul Coughing and having just heard the rumbling of Lovely's car down the street, I started For the Right Price.

 It is amazing how the most indelible experiences in your life are often done without much thought.

 Since I was here, I have loved and lost, settled in and been run out. And yet, lunchbox has always been here. A time capsule and a reminder that my youth is only my youth because I am looking backwards. I am sitting on my couch looking out over the river of my motherland. I have graduated from the north, failed in the iron jungle, learned and argued with the remnant of an LA lifestyle, and come running back home.

 Rambling hides memories from you. It creates a sort of stationary discontent that obscures the enjoyment of pausing. But the other day, I was driving to my original home with the windows down and everything came crashing back. The smell of fall. The lighting. Lovely's childhood home. Memories of youth before I went out to see the world for myself.

 I still don't know if I will stay.

There is an invisible blanket that covers this land. I had thought it was simply youth, but it is much more than that. I am afraid to leave just as much as I am afraid of getting stuck here. Of buying a house and getting a dog and starting a career and growing old by the river.

 I am just as lost as I have always been. But the unknown is simply the absence of hindsight. I'm not ready to know so much as to find out.

 And what better tool to bring with me than the Lunchbox.