Wisdom with Rashka

On Lap 3 of walking Rashka around my neighborhood in an attempt to get away from Sunday anxiety, I managed to stumble over a kind of realization. Let me try to somewhat explain.

I've always been pretty different. I just never seemed to think the way others did. I could be on the playground for hours when I was little, and I didn't need anyone with me. I played with the world. Mom says I was never bored when I was little. School was always easy for me. Maybe because I don't find studying helpful. I learn it the first time around. But that's not really important.

What's important is that I don't think the way others do when it comes to friends. Well, one person thinks like me, but 3000 miles kind of voids that argument. I care about my friends. A lot. I don't want to see them hurt. I will try to go out of my way to help. But, I don't know if I ever really do manage to help. I like talking to my friends. In fact, I like talking to my friends about 4 things at once until something else pops in my head. Most of you know that. Kalene looked at me last night and said "Grace, you are the weirdest person that I have ever met." she hasn't been the first one. Many people have told me that. They just always manage to word it differently. But this time, for some weird reason, it finally got me thinking

Why the hell must I be so different.

Why do my friends fight my personality, but still want to hang out in the evenings? Why am I so miserable being me? And that right there is where it hit me. I don't let myself be me, because my friends cut me down for it. Alex did it. Kalene does it a lot. Lauren does it sometimes. Drew just smiles. And it kills me. I feel like I'm a horrible obsessive person because I am so passionate about having this country run the way we originally wrote it out to be, for example.

But honestly, what the hell is wrong with that? I CARE. I'm sorry. But I don't think that I am going to be anymore. I am passionate. I care about people and I want to help them. I have millions of things I want to be when I grow up. I love being involved in school. I'm random. I like intelligent conversation. I will push you. I am self conscious because I feel like I am the only one walking around this earth sporting hips. I completely don't fit in, and I will probably never date anyone In high school and I will probably never get a homecoming or prom date. But in the end, that's not important. Because one day, just like with katt, I am going to run into some man who is out there just as much as me and cares and loves and is smart and random and talks. And we will be happy.

But right now, I want you to accept me for who I am. If I do something that bothers, you then I am sorry. If you straight out tell me, then I am going to feel bad about it. But that is your decision. Do not criticize me for the traits that make me Grace, because there must be some reason you are sitting here at my website and you are reading my words. I still haven't found out all about myself. I still probably have no idea who I am. But I do know that when I am sitting at a table with a coffee and I have a factory in my head shooting out words and I'm debating something and I am floating on every sentence, that I am happy. And in the end, that is what is important. You want to talk to me about this? You know my screename. I care about all of you Peace Love and Respect