Hello in There

Richmond and I are slowly making amends.

A gentleman yesterday asked me if he could write me letters when I am in the north. Technology has become so ingrained that the idea of words that breathe a moment or two before they are read fascinates me.

Loneliness has been quite a faithful companion. Mealticket has been there a lot for me. I really do care for the soul, but I cannot rely on one person to rest my mind on. Many times I worry that I put too much on him. Each draws me back a little more. It's been a long while since I have had a close friend, and this point is usually where they disappear into the backdrop of their own lives. Its understandable that I'm testing each brick before I gamble with weight on it.

I realized today how much I hide from every passenger that takes a seat in my car. Every friend that ends up drunk on my shoulder. Listening is a beautiful way to keep your thoughts hidden.

I've become so serious recently. Every time I close my eyes I see the Massachusetts roads and gentle hills that never stop growing upwards.

There's a secret orchard near my school that I have taken very few. If you blink, you will miss the opening in the hedge. I used it many a time when I needed to sit and let the fact that I was where I belonged sink in.

An immortal oak tree blooms at the top. It has lawn chair roots and you can just lean against the bark and see for miles of hills.

I miss that breath of air you take when you finally reach it after the climb. You breathe in what you see.

I ache to my marrow for that. To walk around the campus right before the sky begins to warn me that I have missed the night, when not a soul exists except for the painter in the barn who just couldn't sleep with that charcoal image burning in his brain.

I should be sleeping. I have to get this young body downtown tomorrow to work in a lab. I fucking hate it. There is no spirit in checking plates for bacteria colonies. This job is fantastic in that it confirms that I would kill myself if I wasn't around words.

However, I am there for an aunt, and there's no getting out. I tell them what I want to do and they stare back at me with disinterest before turning back to their pipettes.

Science is nothing without life to go along with it.