Thursday, December 22, 2005

Electric Fathom


Do you know the feeling when you don't have to get up in the morning, but you sleep just the right amount and wake up happy and just stretch and stretch and stretch? That is what this feels like.

The fact that my forgotten blog had been turned into an advertisement forum angered me beyond belief.

So about those past few months. School has kept me so busy that I have barely had time to sleep. Junior year is a bitch. Sophomore and freshman years were like pie, they really should work on gradually increasing the pain, not just killing you the year that it actually matters.

This is the first year that I have ever had to study. My friends are all saying the same thing. The looming shadow of college, and not getting in to where I want to go, is growing by the day.

The mad scientist and I are celebrating our first anniversary this week. I secretly love that we don't have a day. Tomorrow, I am taking him on his Christmas present, which I will explain later because I am afraid his eyes might read this before the right moment.

I have lost contact with Katt. I am not quite sure what to do. I want to talk to her, but she lost contact with me just as quickly, which makes me think that maybe she doesn't want to find the memories. She went to Argentina and came back a thousand times more distant. 3000 miles is a dangerous roadblock to a friendship, as is evident in the amazing bond that we used to have.

Lovely is back home, but I have specifically cut off contact with him, and the very sight of his dusty blue bug in the driveway is enough to make me draw the blinds.

I ran into Chapin last night, and I was so excited to see him, mainly because I was so excited to see how his life has turned out. He is doing so well, and I don't think anyone deserves that more than him.

My grandmother died December 1st. That wasn't the shocking part. That news came with the fact that we could not have the funeral until December 17th because my dad was in detox for alcohol. It is hard to face that fact. They would not have told me if Nana had not died. I hate that. The funeral came, and it was awkward and hard beyond belief. I am so disconnected from that part of the family, It is hard to talk to them. I try to show them what I have done with my life, but they will always see me as my father's daughter, and nothing else. The one major plus was that of my cousin, Aaralyn, who lives in Paris, and who I get to visit when I am in France

Oh, yeah, I am going to France this summer. And Corsica. And I am so excited.


Overall, I am so much happier with my life. Yes, school is a constant state of anxiety over grades, and work is stressful, but in the end, I suppose it is all a state of learning.

I'll be back. Don't worry.