La Ritournelle

To be completely honest, I thought this was going to be a lot more fun.

Move to the city. Work at the incredible internship. Figure out the roots of division III. Get away from everything you are

wrapped around.

I think I got away from everything a little too much.

The first few weeks, I assumed it was simply inertia. But as the summer sweated by I found myself alone and wandering the city. I evolved from solitary curiosity to the tightness in my chest that there was not a soul to turn to while waiting to cross the streets. I have spent too many aimless afternoons this summer walking towards and away from nothing while knowing that I was somehow ironically missing out.

What is worst is this feeling that I just cannot for the life of me clear my head. Last year I ran home and came back to the north having had a few breaths to myself.

Here, I am nothing but trapped. There are decisions to be made, contracts to write, glances to steal, moments to enjoy.

I cannot do anything unless I make sure I am where I need to be to ride the consequences down the road.

I am planning a grand escape. I hope it works.

At this point, I wouldn't be able to tell you if I tried.