Lucky Pierre

Absurdity, as it turns out, reigns.

There's nothing quite like hearing a rumor about you that smacks you in the face. Something so ridiculous, you initially laugh over the impossibility of it.

Then your friends don't stop laughing, and panic sets in. How on earth do they believe this? They nod their heads and tell you that they know its not true, but you know they look at you differently. You know they are wondering "what if?.."

It's been difficult enough for me these past four years. I'm different in thought and deed many times. Constantly having to stay on the defensive wears a soul down. So many possible friendships have not come about because extreme versions of my personality always seem to reach different ears through those that don't like something different.

This is an entirely different ballgame. Freak has been added to the list of grievances.

And no one will bother to get to know me and realize they could not have been farther from the truth.

I tried to confront them the first time a ridiculous rumor flew by my ears. Turns out that sticking up for yourself and trying to find out who is causing sharp eyes and quick words behind your back is unheard of. Is it really that crazy to force the malicious to fess up?

Four years of this should be enough. I don't think I can or want to take this for another set. More and more I think the university would be just that.

I am not being naive. Humankind is based on competition, and ruining the chances for friendship of your rivals seemed to be ingrained. Whispers will follow me wherever I go. They follow all of us.

But perhaps somewhere else, people might care to get to know me before they write me off as extreme, or a freak, or any jumble of vicious syllables that comes streaming out of wry grins.

I'm just so sick of it. Sometimes I wonder if it would have been better if I believed what they did and didn't feel a need to live this life. Ignorance is bliss, they say.

But are they happy? Where will these mouths be in 10 years? sneaking around the office? Do they tear me apart because they aren't happy with what they have created for themselves?

These rumors might end in high school, but the unhappy souls who create them might drift have to live on them for the rest of their lives.

And that makes me feel a lot better about it all.