The bare truth
I am one long curvy rollercoaster standing amidst popsicle stands.
I have always had legs, even when I was young. But when I got hips to match, I started a battle with myself. It has since then escalated into a tiring battle with myself.
When I find a way to hide my curves, I win. When I stand in front of the mirror with a marker and circle all over my body with an old woman's shaky hand, it wins.
I think that I could be beautiful. One day, I think that I can be gorgeous and lovely and unique. But not now. Many people don't realize that unless you feel it, it isn't true.
"Grace, you are not fat. You're..Proportional."
Shut the fuck up.
I go to school with rods. My two best friends are both skinny. I am constantly jealous. Kalene is one of the most beautiful people that I know. And she is amazing. But sometimes I hate her for two things. Her skinniness and her hands. Long and thin and lovely, just like her. Mine are stubby and old beyond their years and unsure, just like me.
Last night I was talking to Lovely. And for some reason he is intrigued by my body. Lovely was the first person who ever told me I was beautiful, and he still is the only one that I will believe. Because he doesn't care about what you look like when it comes down to it. So to hear him call my body beautiful scared and confused me. And I didn't believe him. And his words attached themselves to my shadow the entire day.
I hope that I won't always be embarrassed to eat in front of people. And I wish that I didn't cry in the shower. And I wish that I didn't hate shopping because of what it does to my self esteem. And sometimes, when I am crazy I wish that people liked rollercoasters more for what they were
posted by Amazing at 11:29 AM
3 Comments:
We have to take a shower together sometime soon ;) I love you, beautiful.
Do you remember when we overrcame your fear of roller coasters?
Grace,
I know what you mean...
When people tell you that your not fat, its not really what they say, that will make it any better.
Your the one to see your body everyday and dress it and make it look presentable to this horrid world and your the one to feel whether you've regretted eating that tortilla last night...
I just basically think, that since your so used to your body, you'll see all the changes other than your friends seeing the outlook of the whole package.
If you say that your not beautiful, your not. The vibes come off you as well. Or so other people say.
I think Im quite fat though the doctor tells me Im not overweight and that Im just right. Nathan says Im not either but he has no room to speak about this body.
There's no way to cure this feeling either other than to do something you feel more healthy etc. but if this helps, I feel the same way too... Sometimes anywho.
Jeanie
XxX
Post a Comment
<< Home