Ruin my November

The absolute worst day to commit suicide has got to be veteran's day.

Think about it. The very day reserved for honor and selflessness Used to commit an act that screams a selfish color in the eyes of society. My stepmom never was very good at realizing things like that. Then again, it probably doesn't matter what day it is when you are staring down the barrel of a gun.

It screwed me up for a while. But that is normal. She was like my mom. Only super dysfunctional. After she died my dad spiraled out of my life. And the unfailing image of that wonderful crazy redheaded woman I had loved unconditionally because to tarnish as I found out more about how she was. That was five years ago. And I have accepted it. She was desperate, it is what happens. She seems more of an idea than a person to me now. The very idea that I try to bury under the excuses that she was depressed and psycho and a crazy person altogether.

But one day a year, I have to stop and remember the nights she used to dance around the house with me, her wild long red hair flashing around her anorexic limbs. She was so messed up. But she taught me such good things. I learned how to come out of my shell. And to deal with being embarrassed. She was a loud, wonderful, beautiful, horrible, crazy trainwreck waiting to happen. I am glad that I had the chance to meet her as she flew by. And I miss you Teresa.