Why mad scientists are worth more than pills

On it's way uphill lately, my life has truly reached some new thoughts along the way.

Sitting in the hallway of school the other morning, I had a bit of a realization. My friend was commenting on how well life was going for me all of a sudden. After all,

I have a good job, good grades, I can almost drive, my friends are happy, and I have the guy of my dreams.

My reply even shocked me a little.

"Yeah."

That response did not come from being ungrateful. It was not born from misery or unhappiness or ignorance.

It came, once again, from two little white pills .

Anti depressants are truly something that you cannot understand unless you have been on them.

I started Lexapro because I could no longer function in my daily life. I wanted anything, even if it meant being numb and feeling nothing forever.

Yes, these pills have helped me feel my way through a very dark tunnel. But now, everything looks hazy through the numbing window of medicine.

The day that I really realized that I didn't need medicine anymore, I was mad. I sat on the floor of my room, willing my mind to feel upset. Because horrible things were going on. But all that I could feel was a

drugged up happy. An empty happy. Part of me wanted so hard to get out and feel true emotion, But I was locked in a plastic cage of miligrams.

I never really thought there would be a time when I would want to rebel against my drugs. The thought of going off of it always seemed like a death sentence. But, now, finally, I think that I might just be ready to face these monsters myself.

As a result, I must beg all of you to be patient with me. I have a long hard journey to becoming myself again.

As hard as emotions and pain and suffering can be, nothing is worse than forced numbness.

Never underestimate the power of little white pills.