Love and some verses
I should have been ecstatic.
I finally had my mad scientist.
Someone whose kiss I could still feel the morning after
But as I tried to sleep the other night, I realized.
I could no longer have Lovely if I had William. And I got really upset.
Because even if I hated Lovely, I wouldn't want to let him go. He has been a part of me for so long. Every thought that I have had in the last 5 years has had his name woven in it somewhere. I don't know if I can even remember what it was like to be without him. And I know that it's something that I shouldn't say,
but he is my first love. And he will always be my first love. And I didn't want my first love to end just yet. And I didn't want to be the one who ended it.I still don't want to end it.
It's so immature and such a 16 year old thing to say, but in the back of my mind, I secretly hoped that we would one day be together. If he comes home from college one day, and I don't exist anymore to him, I am going to be heartbroken. If I see him in 20 years at the grocery store with kids and a handful of coupons, I am secretly going to wonder what would have happened if I had never let go.
But maybe, in wondering that, I never really will let go.
However, this is something that I need to do. I am too young to be so obsessed. I need to know what it's like to have relationships with people my age, in my life. Not 500 miles away. I need to get my heart broken in small waysa few times before it gets shattered in a big way. At least then, it will be a little tougher.
So for now, I will try to enjoy my mad scientist. And I will try to smile when I walk by his house every day.
Because in the end, it was all worth it.
posted by Amazing at 9:25 PM
5 Comments:
oh grace.mwah!-cam
I'm 28, and I STILL wonder "what would have happened..."
but then again, if that would have happened, I would never have had all the wonderful loves I've had since then. :-)
Hannah Russell told me that "first love never dies." And I've been in love once several months ago. It hasn't died. And I think that you can let go and still love. I think that's what moving on is all about.
-Katharine
I love you.
Grace, this is Chad's ex, Caitlyn, again... wow, girl... I can't tell you how much in your shoes I am right now. I honestly can't get over Chad... or I can't just let it go, but your blog made me realize that I don't have to, and that it's hard for everyone, not just me. You're amazing, and keep your head on tight. Thank you for the encouragement that life goes on... i just hope things with Chad work out in the end. Good luck to you.
--Caitlyn--
Dear Grace,
A girl after my own heart. I am sure glad I clicked on your link on Chokey Chad's post. Along with Caitlyn (who has saved my life numorous times and I love her more than life) I feel like I can't let my first love go, but I know that I should. I know that someday I'm going to have to move on. The world doesn't have time for love anymore and it sure is depressing. People think that 16 year olds have no say or don't know what love is, (even though I am 15) but the truth is, we know better than anyone else because we are so easily influenced into what this world has to offer. Anyways, great blog. I will be sure to add it to my favorites.
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