Knowledge of self

It scares me how much I like him.

It scares me how much I can't believe that he likes me.

Being around him is like listening to the opening notes of my favorite Dire Straits song.

My tall, big eyed friend tells me that she felt like this for the first 5 months.

That I will eventually relax..Or lose my sanity.
Today was a weird day. It really upset me. I don't know why. I never like to see him worried or sick.

But we were two people with stuffed up noses and bad coughs. We were sharing a cold. And all day, through my treacherous, tissue filled exams, I couldn't wait to crawl into his bed and nap.

I've never fallen asleep in someone's arms before. It is a small thing that I have always wanted to do in the back of my mind. I loved it. Even through the sniffles.

And I love the fact that he was worried when I got a tattoo.

I got a tattoo.

He spends so much time with me, I wonder why he isn't sick of me yet. I wonder why I care so much. I wish he wouldn't read this, because he's just going to be angry with me.

Sometimes I wish that the people that make such a stance in my life could meet each other. That my mad scientist could have met my other half. That they could have sat down and had coffee with lovely.

Sometimes I feel like I have a revolving wheel of who is in my life. I never seem to get more than one.

Nowadays, I look back on Lovely, and I realize how much of a mistake it was. Even now. Even saying hello to him makes me feel like shit.

And I miss Katt so much. But she has changed so much since that night we danced in the rain. She couldn't be any farther away right now.

And here I am with my mad scientist. What an excellent guy. And what an excellent Dire Straits song.