Save it for a rainy day
There are reasons the hippies never got the revolution off the ground.
In an affluent society, it's almost impossible to escape the products and services shoved into our consciousness.
Yesterday, I found out that my entire life has been mapped out for me. By the exact things, and with the exact means, that I struggle so hard to keep quiet.
I do not live in a well off home. My parents could not afford to buy me a car.
I have a 10,000 dollar car in the driveway right now. And where did it come from?
"We'll call it your birthday present."
My father came from a very rich family. So rich that even I have my own fortune that has been set aside for me until an undisclosed time. I wasn't even allowed to know how much I have. And yet, time and time again, I keep hearing about how this is such a good thing for me.
Yesterday, they told me the amount. And I feel like I know something that has ruined my sense of childhood, almost. It was a mini version of knowing the date of your death, in that it has set up camp in the foreground of my mind.
In some ways, I feel very guilty about having this opportunity. I don't deserve it at all, but I feel bad for not appreciating it enough.
And I am worried that I am going to change to fit the image that my family wants, in order to show how much I deserve all of this. Part of me is already itching to become some high class doctorlawyerpolitician.
I am so scared that once people find out that I have money, the green eyed monster comes out. The one that hides behind a fake smile. I hope to God that I do not fall into the hands of a false friend.
I have grown up being taught that you need to work for everything. My natural hippie liberal tendencies to help the underdog feels so contradicted by a number.
I do hope that I do the right thing. I know that I probably will.
But it is also so easy to suddenly need what you used to want.
posted by Amazing at 10:15 PM
3 Comments:
You know I often wondered, as a parent, how much should you plan out your child's future without robbing their independence. I grew up extremely wealthy and was expected to be a doctor or a lawyer, putting an immense amount of pressure on myself. Sometimes this pressure was too much to bear and really tortured me inside. But this was all many years ago, a stock market collapse, lawyers, and the government brought my family down to blue-collar status. In the midst of all this, my parents were still able to protect my future, and my education. They saved so much I wouldn't have to worry about the costs of even med school, if I decide to go to med school.
And yeah, you do feel like you don't deserve a cent, and feel like crap for being ungrateful. Initially I refused to accept their money, but did so in the end for the guilt associated with rejecting them as well as the money.
My point is that I have never changed because of money, and neither will you. Good people will always fight the good fight because it's what we live for.
The only thing you can do is be yourself, because that's the only way it can work. But I am certain you've known this all along inside.
P.S: I'm really flattered you like my blog enough to link it on yours!
Oh dearest girl! Ilove you! I see you as the awesome artsy women that everyone will know of, but not much about. Youwill be a private donator of sorts. You will have an awesome house, but it's not gonna be flashy and such. I don't know. But I am positive you are going to be the amazing person that you always have been, money or no money.
If it were up to me, I'd want to completely forget I even have it at my disposal until some major major event...anything from college/buying a house or even something much later in life, or just putting at least half of it away and letting it earn interest. Once you feel like it's easily at your fingertips, it's hard to stop yourself from falling back on it when something minor goes wrong.
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