Dear Grace

Dear Grace,
Congratulations on making it through another year. Perhaps it has not dawned on you yet, but you will realize in time that once a year is gone, it is gone.

There was a day once, when you saw the present as something that would soon be left in the past. Last year you were sad to let go of 14, but this year, something is different. You felt numb when you wrote this. Maybe it was the medicine. But let me refresh your memory of how your 15th year in this world was.

A few days after your birthday, you went to a football game with Kalene and Sasha. And you made a new group of friends. And some old ones fell to the ground in a crumpled heap. Amira and you parted and went your separate ways, and even now it is still very awkward. You hung out with your new group non stop, and I hope that you enjoyed it. Alex came home for the first time from college. You were so excited. You probably still remember walking down that street to see him strolling out of his house.

The beauty of Belle Isle probably still resides in your eye. You can probably still feel the pain of Katharine surging through you as you read her letter and cried as hard as the flowing river around you. It was the first time that you really came to terms with the fact that she was gone. I hope that you remember what Alex told you. People you love will always be people you love. No matter how far away they are, you are still under the same sun. You grew closer to Alex, and really had a wonderful time. There was the entire Kage Mike conspiracy, which even now seems trivial.

January, you started to feel down. Really down. Maybe it was the extreme amount of rain we got. Maybe that Alex was back at school. Maybe it was the insanity of Godwin. Anyways, you got really depressed, and things were really bad for a while. But you started Lexapro, and you learned how to piece together the puzzle pieces that your head always seemed to shatter into. Summer, Alex came home.

One night something happened. The rest of the summer confused you. You felt caught in something that was so wonderfully bad. And he left. And it absolutely tore you apart. And you had promised yourself that it wouldn't. So you joined 7 clubs and worked hard at volleyball and busied yourself to get away from it all. And that is where you are now. You had a hard year, but I think that you learned a lot. You can cope better, you can keep your feelings quiet, as long as no one sees your eyes. You realized that you are the happiest when you are riding somewhere with Alex. It isn't that you are with him. It is simply the beautiful stopping of time that comes with driving somewhere with a good friend.

The freedom of being away from the life that leaves holes in your soul. The beauty of going somewhere and not knowing where and learning so much in the meantime. You did not get many of those drives this year, but the ones that you had you cherished. You and Katt kept your friendship alive when she came here. When she left, you didn't cry. But that was because you had no more tears left. The night before, you had left it up to God on an unfamiliar street. You lost God this year too. I hope that you got him back by the time that you read this. Your friends threw you a surprise party. It was amazing. You truly felt loved. I hope that you remember that feeling.

Grace. 15 was a very learning year for you. You were young, as you will continue to be. But it is okay, because if you are never young, you have nothing to miss when you get old. You are beautiful, as much as you look in the mirror and are disappointed by the life that you see. This year, I hope that you realize that you are you, and that you come to accept yourself more, without compromising with others standards. I have enclosed in this letter some photos of your 15th year, and a poem you wrote. I hope that you have an amazing 16th year, and I hope that you are happy. Or that you are not sad all of the time. I love you, and God bless you. Happy Birthday. Grace Ann